If you want to get better at anything, one of the most valuable resources you can have is tough, honest feedback, and one of the most valuable skills you can acquire is the ability to handle that feedback effectively. And when I say “acquire,” I mean exactly that, because for most of us, the ability to handle tough feedback is definitely not easy. I’ll be the first to admit that this is something I’ve had to work at for most of my career, and even with all that work, I still sometimes find myself getting defensive when someone is critical of something I’ve done, or haven’t done. Let’s face it: we’d all rather hear that we’re doing a great job.

But again, if we want to get better at anything—and that includes becoming a better leader—honest feedback is incredibly valuable. So how do you get better at dealing with and profiting from feedback?

The single best piece of advice I’ve been given in this regard is to change the story you tell yourself when you receive the feedback. Much of our behavior—maybe most of our behavior—is shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Stories in which we’re the hero or the victim, stories in which we’re being challenged, or taken advantage of, stories in which we fail or triumph. Often we’re not even aware that these stories are playing in the background of our mind, but that only makes them more powerful.

So the next time you get some tough feedback, don’t let your mind run the story that you’re a victim, that you’re facing a threat—a threat to your position, your power, your next performance review, your next raise or next promotion, your relationship with your manager or the people you manage.

Rather, you need tell to yourself that this feedback is a valuable gift that will help you become the best leader you can be. And in my opinion, that means becoming a Servant Leader, leading with a servant’s heart. If you view your role as a servant to your people and your organization, you’ll find it much easier to accept and even invite tough feedback in order to keep growing and to provide better service to the people around you.  You may not always be comfortable hearing it, but you’ll definitely find it easier to listen.  And you’ll get far more out of what you take in.

After all these years I’ve found the easiest way to figure out whether someone is a servant leader or not is to observe how well they take feedback. Leaders who can’t handle feedback, who are threatened by it, who don’t want to hear about how they could improve, who may even punish those who dare to suggest that they might not be perfect—those people can’t be servant leaders their view of the world is that it’s all about them! The servant leader turns that view upside down, says it’s all about those whom I serve, and embraces anything that will help him or her serve more effectively.

So there you have it. I’m not saying that learning to accept and work with tough feedback will be easy by any means,  but I am saying that you can make it easier.  If you change your story, you can change how you view feedback. You can get past the defensiveness we all experience because we’re human. You can use feedback as a source of energy to dramatically move you and your organization to the next level!